i've never watched the Biggest Loser.
i've intended to watch it but haven't for various reasons (mostly not knowing when it's on).
the few times i've seen pieces of it i catch it at the end when they're eliminating a contestant and i'm always a little disturbed because weight loss shouldn't be a competition, but a personal goal.
anyways, i caught the last 20 minutes of it the other night - right at a part when they were in a gym and one of the chicks was on a tradmill and the guy trainer told her he was going to make her run as fast as she could for 1 minute and then he turned the speed up and she got a look of determination in her eye and just fucking did it.
i remember that exact moment when that happened to me - probably almost two years ago now.
it was exhilarating.
i used to take pictures on my cell phone and send it to my trainer when i'd achieve a milestone - like my first 12 minute mile, then my 11 minute mile, then my 10 minute mile...
that one minute of tv has been kind of haunting me this week because i've fallen SO far and SO hard i can't even walk up a hill these days and talk on the phone i get so winded. I've gained almost all 60 pounds back that i lost. what the flying fuck. all i can do is bitch, complain and moan - everything BUT go back to the gym or push away the pizza and beer. Again, what the fuck.
I know i feel horrible physically because of the gained weight - my ankles swell again, my feet get cold all the time even when the rest of me is hot, i have heartburn again, headaches i had once gotten rid of, having to shift sitting and laying positions because of awkward fat bunching, squeezing into pants and waiting impatiently for the time i can undo the buttons and zipper, walking around in positions i hope hide my rotund tummy or wearing extra baggy clothes hoping that will do the traick (which it never does).
Mind over matter, but unfortunately right now it's a hardcore matter over mind, and i can't seem to switch it around.
i've intended to watch it but haven't for various reasons (mostly not knowing when it's on).
the few times i've seen pieces of it i catch it at the end when they're eliminating a contestant and i'm always a little disturbed because weight loss shouldn't be a competition, but a personal goal.
anyways, i caught the last 20 minutes of it the other night - right at a part when they were in a gym and one of the chicks was on a tradmill and the guy trainer told her he was going to make her run as fast as she could for 1 minute and then he turned the speed up and she got a look of determination in her eye and just fucking did it.
i remember that exact moment when that happened to me - probably almost two years ago now.
it was exhilarating.
i used to take pictures on my cell phone and send it to my trainer when i'd achieve a milestone - like my first 12 minute mile, then my 11 minute mile, then my 10 minute mile...
that one minute of tv has been kind of haunting me this week because i've fallen SO far and SO hard i can't even walk up a hill these days and talk on the phone i get so winded. I've gained almost all 60 pounds back that i lost. what the flying fuck. all i can do is bitch, complain and moan - everything BUT go back to the gym or push away the pizza and beer. Again, what the fuck.
I know i feel horrible physically because of the gained weight - my ankles swell again, my feet get cold all the time even when the rest of me is hot, i have heartburn again, headaches i had once gotten rid of, having to shift sitting and laying positions because of awkward fat bunching, squeezing into pants and waiting impatiently for the time i can undo the buttons and zipper, walking around in positions i hope hide my rotund tummy or wearing extra baggy clothes hoping that will do the traick (which it never does).
Mind over matter, but unfortunately right now it's a hardcore matter over mind, and i can't seem to switch it around.
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