wow, i haven't been posting much!
damn twitter/facebook!

i've actually been uber busy getting my house back on the market and making my bff sarah a very special graduation present (photos to come sometime in the future).

first things first, here is my house listing - the photographer ROCKED the pictures! They look so so so much better than the last set. And possibly my having mopped the wood floors with murphy's oil soap 3 times a week for a month could've helped too :)

Here's the link: http://www.1256dannerstreet.com/

So, this weekend I spent in Wisconsin and Ann Arbor for various reasons.
Gave a speech at a Middle School that raised $8005.00 for African Well Fund! It went well except I totally skipped an entire page of my speech! I was horrified (and still am) when i realized this an hour later. Oh well. I guess. But doing it, well I mean, being at the school and listening to the teachers and students talk about what they've done was so inspiring. It wasn't just a "pat on the back" ceremony. It was an educational experience too for everyone involved.

In Ann Arbor i made my routine stop at the Scrapbox (I mean at this point it would be sacrilegious not to go when i'm there) and i just had to post a photo of what i got for $7. It's like a crafters wet dream!

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More about my plans for reinventing my life as I know it.
And it's not even reinventing, but more like returning.

Getting away for a couple of days and my family making me feel so loved and so special made me really reflect on how much i have lost site of myself, my goals, my dreams, my values.
I know how to talk the talk, but it's now that i need to walk the walk.
After not getting that job in A2 and realizing I may be living in Atlanta alot longer than I had thought made me re-evaluate what I need to do to return to the life that truly makes me happy and fulfilled. I've always been about action, so it's time to take action.

I figure step one is getting back to the simple things that i know make me happy.
Actually, step one is turning the TV off and putting the Xanax in the back of the cupboard.
I've stopped drinking alcohol completely again - haven't had any, actually since before I left for Thanksgiving last Tuesday.

My therapist says its crucial for me to verbalize things I do so others, or what I perceive as others, can hold me accountable.

So, with that in mind:

1. I need to reimmerse in AWF - there is one project I really want to take on - trying to fundraise for a specific well project pertaining to schools. It's the first time we've attempted to fundraise with a project in mind.

2. Also, the more i look at our website the more i am embarrassed about how outdated and ineffective it is. I want to rebuild a design for it ASAP - most definitely before going to Africa. Perhaps if i can get the graphics done, our web programmer can more easily get the site redone

3. CREATING. I seem to whine about not being creative lately - well tis the season where there are actually projects that should be done - holiday cards! I am making a list of creative projects that actually have deadlines and do them. And do them without buying ANY new items is the challenge :)

(sublist of projects)
- reorganize supplies so they're easier to use and clean up (one of the issues i've been having starting to create is knowing i have to immediately clean up after in case my house needs to be shown and thus clean, i figure if i have one box of most used supplies that i can move around then i'll be more inclined to open it up and clean up after)

- holiday cards (done by 12/19)

- apply for the gutter girlz design team (application due 12/10, this would REALLY make me create if i actually got picked)

- work on projects for that diet scrapbook idea i had last summer

- make an ABC minibook about my life RIGHT NOW

4. Back to working out:
- Monday Noon : Cardo Kickboxing
- Tuesday 5:30 pm: Real Kickboxing
- Wednesday Noon: Freddy's Circuit Class
- Thursday - rest
- Friday Noon: Ann's Strength Training Class
- Saturday 10am: Real Kickboxing
- Sunday: Rest

5. Back to HEALTHY eating:
- 10 Day Master Cleanse Detox - Dec 3- 12
- After that back to 5 cups fruits and veggies EVERY DAY
- After that back to eating out (aka eating bad) only twice a week
- Back to minimum 62oz of water every day

So, there we go.
Everything I USED to do before shit went pear shape so I know I can do it again with a little motivation, momentum and PLAN.

wow, what a weekend!

i spent 4.5 days in Michigan, away from life, but with people who love and support me.
Basically I feel like I was recuperating and recharging.

Ack, too much to say.

Well, the basics, that don't require mental thought:

Wednesday evening I found out I didn't get that job in A2 I had basically based my future on. Mixed feelings, but i guess overall I'm totally all good with it.

On Thanksgiving Day at 2pm my dad said he had to go over to the people's house we were having dinner at and help them set up. I thought it was really weird, especially when he all but refused to let me go with him, and then at 3pm he came home but rang the doorbell instead of used his key.
I was sooooo vegged out in front of the TV (Arrested Development marathon!) so I reluctantly and confusedly got up to answer the door - and when i opened it - MY FUCKING BROTHER AND HIS GIRLFRIEND WERE STANDING THERE! OMG - that was the CRAZIEST most intense surprise I've ever had! I was soooo verklempt! Dan lost a bet to Cri - he said the first thing I would say would be "holy fucking shit" but apparently, all i said was "holy shit" :)

But, that was almost nothing compared to Saturday night.

We all (mom, dad, brother, cristina) went out to dinner Saturday to celebrate my birthday which is Tuesday - we went to Zingerman's Deli - my favorite restaurant. After dinner they gave me some cards and gifts. Last week I told everyone not to give me material items - if they want to give me anything please just give me money for the trip I want to take to Africa. And i had a couple of conversations with my parents and some of the people at the Thanksgiving dinner about AWF and my desire to go see our work up close over the course of my stay. I even reviewed my solicitation letter with my parents that I was going to send out to people.

Anyways, first I opened a cute card from my parents cat.
Then Cristina gave me a bag filled with things. And i started taking things out and her and Dan got all kooky about the order of which I look at everything. So, first I opened a small box that had a bikini in it. Then another bag with a cool t-shirt and sweater in it (all from some hot Italian designer with cute little cartoon animals on them of couse). Then a card from my brother which inside were some EXTREMELY heartfelt words from both him and Cri and inside the card was a certificate he had drawn that said "the bearer of this card gets 1 free trip to London" - I was like huh? Like, really confused. But he said both him and Cri would pay for a ticket for me to come visit them whenever I wanted too cause they knew otherwise I may never come :) I said next time Muse plays Wembley Stadium I'm there!

Anyways, I was still kinda reeling from being overwhelmed by that gift when they gave me a rolled up piece of paper to look at - this one said "voucher for one roundtrip ticket to Africa" - my mind went blank - like I don't know if I've felt an overwhelmingness like that - like my mouth wouldn't work to talk. Apparently everyone chipped in to send me to Africa! UM WHOA.

AND NOW I CAN NOT WAIT! AGH!

OK, so that was the skeleton of the weekend.
But, of course there's so much more, as far as details, and emotions.
Like I keep wondering what I did to deserve such an outpouring of love and then feeling guilty and then telling myself cause i'm worth it. Being isolated like i feel in atlanta i think i've lost a little touch of reality and even though i talk to friends and family on the phone nearly every day i still feel kinda removed and insecure. So, to see everyone go through so much trouble for me, do what they have done is a little overwhelming, and i have yet to explain that verbally to them. I will, and I will make a card :)
Ya, there's more, but I'll get to that sooner or later - i just wanted to make sure to record these highlights down first! Usually birthdays make me kinda crazy, like uber-depressed, but i think this year I'll be cool.

In Washington DC.
But I have a such a head cold that was OK until I got on the airplane and all these little spikes decided to start piercing my ears.
Oh well.

I have a job interview in an hour which is why I'm hanging out in my hotel room on the internets.
There are just so many variables to my near future I hate it.
But at least I'm thinking a lot more rationally these days!

Weekend was productive - spent about 4 hours cleaning the inside and outside of my house for an open house i had sunday which no one even came to. But at least the house sparkles. Also planted flowers in the front of my house - i honestly don't think i've ever planted flowers before. Weird. Not something i really enjoy, I guess.

Other than that just putting all my energy towards getting ready for the AWF meetings, working on my resume I STILL need to send to Colorbok and having a job interview.

I wish I didn't feel so blah right now, but i'm sure once all the AWF peeps start arriving I'll perk up!

last time i was this depressed i let it go alot longer and was completely debilitated before my friend April realized i needed desperate help and brought me to the doctors.

anyways, last week i finally watched "Inconvenient Truth" and when Al Gore was explaining why he took up this "cause" which was due to a life-changing experience in his family I realized that last time I finally emerged out of my depression was when AWF was formed. I recall coming out of the depression and one day wanting to not be selfish anymore and do something to better myself and those around me - of course it was completely fortuitous that Bono's MTV Africa special was on at just about the same time.

but that got me to thinking, i am near debilitated, but not all the way there (I can get out of bed this time) - i can see through the tunnel but not the light yet - but i wonder what will come out of this depression? I hope something spectacular. I won't be disappointed if it doesn't, but I'm trying to convince myself to be as optimistic as possible about EVERYTHING dammit.

Tuesday I represented the African Well Fund at a Middle School in Michigan who had just completed a super successful fundraiser for us. I was asked to give a short speech and I'm posting it here for my own records but also in case anyone is interested in reading it :D

It's bare bones as far as I improvised a couple of times...
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for someone who has overdrawn her checking account 2 weeks in a row now i sure know how to throw around money on my credit card. Funny i don't have buyers remorse.

Last night i did, indeed, watch Idol Gives Back. (on DVR)
It was a little more edgy and "spectacular" this year ... but it is what it is.
Bono was on WaaaaaYYYY more - 2 pretty long segments about Africa.
He's just amazing.
And the way he can bring attention to a story, then remove the story from himself and make it so real and emotional and connected is such a gift.
After his second segmant, he threw the story to Annie Lennox who was in an AIDS stricken community with a family of 4 boys - orphans - and she broke down crying I decided, really, for the first time in my life I must go to africa some day.

With AWF, It's always been "i would like to go" but now it's "i really must go."
Not sure how, quite yet....
Anyways, it was Forrest Whittakers Malaria segment that finally made me get out my credit card and donate.
Cause he put it so simply, and it is simple, for such a relatively small amount of money that "we" in the Western world spend on cups of coffee and fancy dinners can save so many lives. $10 for a mosquito net. $2 for a daily AIDS pill dose, $1500ish for a well....

Speaking of AWF - I was also greatly moved, and slightly disappointed i didn't think of the idea, for the Charity: Water commercial that was shown at the beginning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AqlLyLeJuQ

It really demonstrated a way to personalize clean water in a way we at AWF have been trying to do for 6 years now (wait, has it been 6 years already?!).

So, yes, i whipped out the credit card and sent some money to Idol Gives Back.

Then Carrie Underwood sang George Michael's Praying for Time, from my favorite album of his "Listen Without Prejudice Vol 1" and I finally broke down and bought tickets to his gig here. They were so expensive and i was kinda putting it off until I at least had cash money, but i charged them. I'm weak. But, i am excited too.

Anyways, it was a pretty intense night for me.
Reaffirmed my commitment to AWF.
Reminded me of why i helped start it and Bono's influence in my life and that one person can really make a difference.