So, here's the card for Bono I've been obsessed with since July 3.
It took hours and hours of complete meditation and love.
I think its probably the most beautiful thing I've ever made!!!
And it feels so good holding it in my hands - the size and the weight and the texture.
I wish these pictures could convey even an iota of that.
but oh well.
I hope it feels as nice to him when he holds it in his hands.
Even if for a sec.

Without further ado, pictures:

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for someone who has overdrawn her checking account 2 weeks in a row now i sure know how to throw around money on my credit card. Funny i don't have buyers remorse.

Last night i did, indeed, watch Idol Gives Back. (on DVR)
It was a little more edgy and "spectacular" this year ... but it is what it is.
Bono was on WaaaaaYYYY more - 2 pretty long segments about Africa.
He's just amazing.
And the way he can bring attention to a story, then remove the story from himself and make it so real and emotional and connected is such a gift.
After his second segmant, he threw the story to Annie Lennox who was in an AIDS stricken community with a family of 4 boys - orphans - and she broke down crying I decided, really, for the first time in my life I must go to africa some day.

With AWF, It's always been "i would like to go" but now it's "i really must go."
Not sure how, quite yet....
Anyways, it was Forrest Whittakers Malaria segment that finally made me get out my credit card and donate.
Cause he put it so simply, and it is simple, for such a relatively small amount of money that "we" in the Western world spend on cups of coffee and fancy dinners can save so many lives. $10 for a mosquito net. $2 for a daily AIDS pill dose, $1500ish for a well....

Speaking of AWF - I was also greatly moved, and slightly disappointed i didn't think of the idea, for the Charity: Water commercial that was shown at the beginning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AqlLyLeJuQ

It really demonstrated a way to personalize clean water in a way we at AWF have been trying to do for 6 years now (wait, has it been 6 years already?!).

So, yes, i whipped out the credit card and sent some money to Idol Gives Back.

Then Carrie Underwood sang George Michael's Praying for Time, from my favorite album of his "Listen Without Prejudice Vol 1" and I finally broke down and bought tickets to his gig here. They were so expensive and i was kinda putting it off until I at least had cash money, but i charged them. I'm weak. But, i am excited too.

Anyways, it was a pretty intense night for me.
Reaffirmed my commitment to AWF.
Reminded me of why i helped start it and Bono's influence in my life and that one person can really make a difference.

If you're a Sagittarius - check this out!!

Daily Horoscope - Thursday, April 03, 2008
Think back to a time when someone inspired you in the past, today. You know: That person who helped you understand what you were capable of, and who helped to point you in the right direction. Get in touch with them and thank them for the time they so generously gave you. Then pick someone in your life for whom you can play the same role. It's time you put your energy toward mentoring someone the way you were mentored. You are capable of inspiring people and getting them thinking.

Holy crap you guys - this is like the story of my life these days!
I live for inspiration.
And I crave inspiration.
And my ultimate goal, desire if you will, is to be able to inspire others.

I really think that is part of my purpose.
This purpose i've been blabbering on and on about the last month:

To share and exchange ideas.
Spark a new way of thinking or seeing things.
A new excitement for creativity, weight loss, fitness, viewing the world...

Oh yes, I like this horoscope very very much.

WOW, this horoscope is going in the memories folder.

Think back to a time when someone inspired you in the past, today. You know: That person who helped you understand what you were capable of, and who helped to point you in the right direction.

This is a hard one because there are SO MANY people who inspire me.
I try to seek inspiration from every source I can really.
There's people I know, don't know, have met, have e-met, have seen onstage, have seen walking down the street....
Who, though, has helped me truly understand what I am capable of?

Is it cliche to say Bono? I've never met him but he has definitely pointed me in directions over the past 20 years of my life that have given me strength, well-being and a call to action.

Is it cliche to say my mom and dad? For inspiring and encouraging me to get healthy this last year? And therefore discovering that I do have willpower and awakening all this energy in me?

Is it cliche to say various scrapbookers (to many to mention) who have opened my eyes to alternative ways of expressing myself which has really given me some of the most fulfilling moments of my life when i can get a masterpiece on paper?

whoa.

Heavy subject for 7:36am in the morning!
But awesome way to start the day - AWESOME!
(in every sense of the word)



(and now for something completely off subject - just checked my UPS tracking number and my camera should arrive tomorrow - just in time for the weekend! eeeeeekkkkkkk!)

whoa whoa whoa wait.
beep beep beep back it up.

what the fuck?

how have i NEVER noticed Bono singing faintly in the background of the Bullet the Blue Sky guitar solo on Joshua Tree?

UM HUH?!

How many times have i listened to this shit since 19-fucking-87?
At least 1000.
A friend and I used to blast it in her car like every day.
And it was my song of choice when i used to huff nitrous a little too much.
i said god damn!

Ever since D explained the WWBD acronym to me I keep giggling about it.

Last night he visited me in my dreams again.
It seems to be a real blatant dream, although one without any resolution.
But I also know even blatant dreams aren't always what you think they are.

I was in a small room with Bono, and Julie (oktobergirl) was there and a little girl - between 5-8 years old I think.
Bono was very busy talking to people on the phone and whizzing around the room doing stuff and I kept trying to say something but was too shy.

For some reason Julie and the girl left for a second so it was just Bono and I and I turned to him, gulped down my fear and said "Bono, may I ask you a question?"
and he looked at me earnestly and said "of course"
and before I knew it all I wanted to do was hug him.
So I grabbed him and clung really tight and he hugged me back really tight.
I felt so at peace and relaxed.

But, then I stepped back and said,

"Bono, I wanted to ask you something. But I'm really bad at articulating what I think..."
and he kinda crooked his head to the side so I continued...

"Well, I'm not a religious person really, I'm a spiritual person. I mean I pretty much believe there is a god, and I've prayed to him twice in my life when my brother and my husband were in the hospital sick and I felt desperate, and I felt a warmness around me when I was praying and like someone was listening, but I'm not really religious other than that and going to a religious temple makes me nauseously uncomfortable, but, well, I feel like something is missing, like a spiritual piece of the puzzle..."

and then he grabbed my hand and pulled me into a smaller room off to the side which turned out to be a bathroom that smelled like roses and I remember looking directly into his eyes trying to find an answer, and he was looking at me, and then I got distracted by those 2 little birthmark thingies on his upper cheek underneath his eye and then the dream was over.

Um what?!

I had a WONDERFUL dream involving Bono last night.
It's been awhile since he's visited my unconscious!
Which is weird cause I haven't been listening to U2 or anything.
But the first song I heard on the radio this morning as I got in my car was 'The Sweetest Thing'.
On 99Sux - Alternative Rock station.
Huh?!!

Anyways, the dream took place at some awards ceremony in a courtyard that Bono was being honored at. After he got his award, which by the way, was a golden guitar, he went into a brick building off to the side of the courtyard. Of course there were throngs of people following him but I stayed where I was standing because I know enough from my Muse "stalking" days not to be in that throng of people. Besides, I really didn't feel a need to try and meet him.

So, I was looking around and people watching and looked at the brick building Bono had gone into and there were windows with screens on them and there was Bono in a room with a screen. No one else seemed to notice he was in there. I walked over nonchalantly and he had his back to the window. I quietly called out his name and he turned around. He wasn't wearing his glasses either.

He came over to the window and leaned down and said hello. I instinctively put my hand on the screen wanting to touch him and at first he put his whole hand open wide on the screen in front of my open hand, and I could feel the warmth, but then he took all but his index finger off the screen and i did the same so we were touching tips of our fingers (like ET). And it was in slow motion and I remember in the dream not breathing while this was happening. And I also remember feeling this jolt of energy when our fingertips touched through the screen.

Then I said "Bono, thank you for guiding my life"
and he looked a little perplexed and said something like "pardon?"
and then I said "because of you i helped start African Well Fund"
and his eyes got super wide and I noticed the blue was sparkling and piercing me and making me want to keep talking and he said "oh? you guys are doing a very good thing"
and I said "yes, we were a group of rock fans that saw how a small group of people could change the world"
and he said "what do you do?" What is your part in all of this?"
and I said "i create the graphics and help with the website"
and he said "you are how the rest of the world views the well fund ... you are how the fund communicates to the world"
and I was super taken a back and overwhelmed and I said "well, there are many of us playing our parts... but i just need to thank you for bringing attention to the clean water crisis and what one individual can do"
and he smiled, blue eyes sparkling
and then I woke up.


It was so real.
The dream.
Like it's things I used to dream about happening when I was awake.
And I could actually talk sensibly in the dream - usually in real life when i talk to people i admire or about things that are super important to me i get super tongue tied and trip over my words because my mouth can't move as fast as my brain.
But not in the dream.
But I haven't thought about Bono in such a long long time.

I wonder if it has anything to do with my guilt over not spending enough time on the AWF? I've been so overwhelmed by work and my diet and my fussing about losing my creative mojo I just haven't been giving the attention to the Well Fund I want to and that it deserves and that my Board of Director status expects. I logged onto the forum last night and there like 15 active topics and I just couldn't deal with it.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
OK, onward and upward.

Playboy Mansion just popped up on my ipod and i just remembered i had a dream about Bono last night!
Weird!
I haven't dreamt about him in ages.
Maybe it was because i recently did that inspired dream out loud layout?

Now if only i could remember the details.
Alls I remember it had something to do with an AWF retreat and he showed up and we went to some fancy restaurant and he pulled up his chair next to mine and looked at me with sparkling eyes and said he wanted to only sit by me cause he didn't like "her" but i have no idea who her is! Or why he thought i was special enough to sit by...?

Aight -

I don't know if this looks like it took me nearly 10 hours to do, but it did!
Most of the time was spent figuring out measurements for the box I made.
Then waiting for the super glue to dry.
Math confuses me and everything had to be to the 1/16" of an inch cause that was the thickness of the board I used. OY!
But, I'm so proud of this - if not for teaching myself how to make the "drop spine box" (holla at http://www.crafttvweekly.com one of my new favorite websites!) and coming up with the photo fan.

I'm glad it's done and hope Bono actually looks at it (and not some assistant who throws it into a room full of other gifts) and that everyone who contributed to the fundraiser loves it.

The only thing missing is the "well share" for we have yet to get the total from the fundraiser. once we get that, I'll print out the certificate and ship it off to Dublin.

Tech specs: It's a custom made box with stamped paper (Fancy Pants clear pollen stamps). The fundraiser logo on the front was made with shrinky dinks. The birthday card itself is 13 - 2 sided sheets held together with a brad. The photo tag fan is 12 pictures and each picture has a story and a couple of appropro blog entries with them. I lined the box with a canvas material and threw in some crumpled up brown paper.




OH - and this is a full size version you have to clicky to: http://www.slide.com/r/TMVKGfXK4T_3cmLgVAJ9ZYcS9RkEmD09?previous_view=lt_embedded_url

not quite sure how they compile this
like, a search engine of my LJ or not,
but it's the 12 days of xmas thing
and the first 11 days are stupid but
day 1 is PRICELESS and worth the cut and paste:
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in atlanta looking for housing.
i believe i found a place to live also!
i see 2 more places tommorrow and then i'll decide, but at least i know there's something.
phew.
it's also nice to get away from the home improvement chaos.
very nice.

i had a kind of fucked up dream last night.
i was at some theatre and all of the sudden bono was in front of me in his cowboy hat and he was like "hi - you must be lara, so and so from africare told me i should meet you but i'm really busy so sorry i can't stay" and i said something smart ass in return and he laughed. then a minute later i'm on some stationary exercise bike and larry mullen walked over to me and edge yelled something to him and we both laughed.

that's all.

just about 1 year ago this weekend i was in atlanta to see muse and had one of the most exciting days of my life. i hope there are more in the near future. i've been starting to hear rumours about a usa tour in july.

OMG I had the quintessential dream about Bono last night!
I don't even know why he's in my subconscious but the dream was hot.
I haven't dreamed about him in like 4 years!!!
I even pressed snooze 4 times this morning (making me 20 minutes late to work) to see how it would end.
But all I got was a little bit of dry humping from the backside :(
But really it was sweet.
Of course, it's nighttime and the details have started to fade but,
I was walking my doggies and some car drove into a driveway almost hitting my little girl and Bono was sitting on his stoop smoking a cigarillo and came over to make sure everything was OK cause I was seriously freaking wigging out at the driver. Bono and I got to talking and chilling and it was all very innocent. He then invited me into his house and we're chilling a little more. We kinda got friendly and we both agreed we had happy marriages and didn't want to hurt our S.O.s. But then some groupie girls came in and all of the sudden he puts his arm around me and claims he's with me (which shortly after the humping began). It was all surreal and I have no idea what it would mean.
But it was loverly.
Then I get to work and my boss is in a shit ass mood which puts me in a shit ass mood.
He later apologized. Which I have to give him points for, but it still doesn't make up for the fact he took away the Bono stars in my eyes.
Needless to say I listened to my U2 playlist all morning. I have 4.2 hours in the playlist and made it pretty much until lunch! Fuck me when Velvet Dress came on. All time stopped a second.

In other news I drank so much caffeine today (40 oz to be exact) I HAD to go to the gym after work. I have found the motivational secret! Too bad, like all good things, tolerance will build and no longer will that make a difference. I remember the first time I got coffee again after quitting, like 4 months ago, I got 16 oz cup and thought i was going to have a heart attack. Damn. But it was nice going to the gym after work. And I listened to Beasties Pauls Boutique and ROCKED THE FUCK OUT.

yesterday was a pretty nice day.
i guess bored = depressed.
i woke up a little depressed so i looked at some of the entries from last spring here at LJ about my Muse meetings and that cheered me up a bit.
for as much shit that i talk about my boss he's not a total asshole.
he's just incredibly moody.
he gave me a $500 bonus which i've never gotten before.
he also took us out to lunch and we all got a bit drunk.
then i came home and took a looooooong nap.
eric and i rented 4 movies and bought a bunch of alcohol and food in plans of holing ourselves in our house for the next 3 days.
i've been browning out lately drinking and this morning i checked my email and saw that i had bought the domain name
"iheartmuse.com" last night. I now remember doing it, but in a blur.
i envision it only as a personal scrapbook cause lord knows there are more than enough muse fansites out there already.
i also finally decided where i'm going to put my muse tattoo which i've been obsessing on getting for weeks now but haven't been comfortable about the place i want it. Started on the back of my calf, then my under arm and now i've decided 100% to get it around my right angle. what's kinda funny is that i couldn't remember if i had a tattoo around that ankle yet and actually had to look to see! But i'm excited - it's going to wrap around the entire thing.
i believe i also will be joining diane in DC in February to hear Bono talk. I need a renewal of purpose and as she put it no one would be better lighting a fire under my ass than him.
I feel my depression stems from a lack of passion with anything right now.
I've gotta find something to hold my interest again ... soon ... i hate feeling like i'm losing time.

breathe
2
3
4........

i made a decision and did something about it!
I accepted 2 job offers for part-time jobs and will quit my current job tommorrow.
I love conclusion sometimes.

And I must say I have so many great friends it's really quite humbling.
Kisses to all.

So as a sidenote I found a whole new love for Muse & U2 today.
Looking for inspiration from any place but not knowing that I was looking.
But, I put Absolution on at work today and Butterflies and Hurricanes came on and all of the sudden my head quieted down and got calm as I listened to the lyrics about "being the change you want to be" and realizing how inspirational Matthew Bellamy is - not just his general passion but his passion for his music and the 100% knowledge he is doing exactly what he was put on earth to do and how I want to strive to discover what I was put on earth to do somehow and someday.

Then I had another little "experience."
U2's Wake Up Dead Man shuffled onto the iPod. I've listened to this song 1000s of times! POP is my favorite CD hands down. I even have 2 copies of it.
But for some reason today - TODAY - I actually HEARD the lyrics. You know how sometimes you know the lyrcis to songs and sing along with them but don't consciously think about them or even know what you're singing? I guess that's what I've been doing for the last 8 years with this song. But all of the sudden today I simply heard the lyrics that I had never heard. And put it on repeat 3 times and fought back tears cause once again Bono to the rescue :)

Listen to your words they'll tell you what to do
Listen over the rhythm that's confusing you
Listen to the reed in the saxophone
Listen over the hum of the radio
Listen over sounds of blades in rotation
Listen through the traffic and circulation
Listen as hope and peace try to rhyme
Listen over marching bands playing out their time

Again my head quieted down and I got it. I listened to what my heart was telling me what was most important and knew the decision I had to make.